Episode 11 — The Element Of Surprise

cemeterycrossHalloween is one of the strangest days of the year, it seems. It seems to beckon people of all ages to participate, even though the standard trick or treating tradition belongs mainly to the youngsters.


It is a night that folks enjoy attending parties, dances, and…for some, visiting the local cemetery. Without fail, our cemetery has its share of spirit-seekers and ghost-whisperers every All Hallow’s Eve.

Mr. B leaves town on a two-week vacation this time every year and in the past, some pranksters took their “fun” to a new level, vandalizing things at the cemetery on this holiday. He therefore dreads Halloween, hoping his cemetery men take extra precautions to secure things before they go home. CJ volunteered to be the graveyard guardian and this was fine by him. She laughs and explains that she is a spirit of the least expected kind. Each year she strives to improve upon her ‘element of surprise’ that she will “spring”  on the unwary trespassers. Scaring the crap out of them is so much fun!

The cemetery hours are posted at the big gate, stating that after- dark visitors are considered trespassers, and are subject to removal by owner or the local sheriff. There is a ‘walk-through’ gate for pedestrians, which still allows access into the graveyard. The only people who seem to be attracted to the place on this night of the year are teens. As in most towns across the U.S., there is at least one tragic teen death every year, typically victims of car accidents, unfortunately. That grave is the destination of our after-hours visitors, on this eve. The scenario, like the group, is usually very predictable. There will be five or six kids, decked out in sneakers and hoodies, each will bring candles or incense, and somebody might even have a little pot to share or some booze, an Ouija board, perhaps. Oh, and the creepy ghost stories, too.cemeterygate

A modern ouija board plus planchette

A modern ouija board plus planchette (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Whether to conjure the dead teen’s spirit or present merely on a dare, there will be at least that little group. But, they don’t wait until the witching hour of twelve, they come a lot earlier. CJ looks forward to this night with great anticipation. She waits for them behind the groundskeeper’s shed, by the crematory building.   She totes her half-million candle-power spotlight, and her pepper spray, just in case these folks aren’t just the normal harmless high schoolers she has come to expect. Then, she waits.

This time, she plans to make some low moans, maybe drag her feet over the leaves and gravel, from a point behind one of the large trees, but close enough to be heard.  Once the kids are settled and the candles are lit, a short time elapses, then all is very still and quiet. The group is sitting around the grave holding hands and chanting in a hushed tone, like a séance is about to begin. CJ notices the pungent telltale odor of incense… lighter flicks in the darkness. NOW is the time! They have lit up a joint…she drags her feet…moans, drags some more. Someone in the group hears it. They drop their hands, and the low chanting ceases. Someone giggles nervously. CJ repeats the foot drags and decides to exhale loudly from her throat. She can see the heads turning and looking all about for the source of the odd noise. It is pitch black. CJ stealthily tiptoes from behind her hiding place…just a few yards away. Then…when she is directly behind them, SNAPS on the spotlight while simultaneously and loudly asking, “HEY! WHAT DO YOU KIDS THINK YOU ARE DOING HERE?!  CAN’T YOU READ? Hours here to visit are OVER! I got your license plate number(s) and if anything, ANYTHING at ALL is out of place or disturbed, your parents will receive a call in the morning! “cemeteryguard

By that point, the kids are freaking out and dazed by the blazing bright light beam , knocking the candles over, dropping the joint, and scrambling to their feet, some  have already broken into a dead run for the front gate…heehee, a ‘dead run,’ clever. So much fun she almost pees herself she is laughing so hard!

Inside her pocket, I DID pee myself…and pooped, too! So another Halloween comes to a close. Time to take it on home; it has been a long day. Hope she does not get mad about my little mess…


5 Responses to “Episode 11 — The Element Of Surprise”

  1. I have shared your blog with my readers on StumbleUpon, Facebook, Google+1, dig, Pinterest, Tumblr. I hope you don’t mind, CJ. My email subscription is working perfectly! :)))


    • Awww. Thanks so much!
      I just re-read it now, myself, to see if it seemed like it made sense…I even laughed at my silly little ending about the mouse ‘pooping’ in CJ’s pocket. I struggled with this for awhile trying to get it all together so it wasn’t too lame sounding…lol. Man’ I sure do miss working the ‘graveyard shift on Halloween”…


      • It’s real… and exactly what would happen… Morguie knew that! :))) I bet it was interesting on Halloween!


        • After I finished mortuary college I returned to work for “Mr. B.” I spent lots of time at the cemetery, LOTS! Every Saturday, when his men were off, he and I got to take turns driving out (mortuary was about 2 miles away) to change the sprinklers…meaning, manually controlling the sections, about an hour or so for each section. If things were slow at the mortuary, just Mr. B and I would be there. He’d doze off watching his little tv set up in front office, and I would be cleaning or doing other stuff in the back. Those gorgeous, beautiful Saturdays with nothing ‘funeral’ to work on made me glad to hop up and jump into my truck and run to the cemetery. Sure helped break the days up. Or there were lots of days and evenings spent on cremations out there. I would watch the wildlife (birds, snakes, lizards,coyotes) while I was waiting through the various cycles. I miss it. Yes, Halloween was fun!


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