Archive for the Blogging Category

The Hardest Thing I have Ever Had To Endure

Posted in Blogging, Cemetery, Death, Depression, Future, Grief, Losing A Parent, Loss, Love, Personal Crisis, Relationships on October 25, 2019 by Morguie

I’ve managed to survive more than a few “worst days of my life” in my half-century (plus) on this planet.

None of those horrific events could begin to prepare me for what would be the end of my world as I knew it.

On June 11, 2019 I lost my loving and devoted sweetheart of 22 years, LeeRoy Halley. The love of my life, the king of my heart, the very center of my little universe, and my world… had left me behind. Today I am pretty much in the same emotional and overall personal condition I was on June 11. I am utterly lost. I wish I would stop breathing.

I can’t believe he is gone forever. Everything we had planned for our near and far-flung future… everything we lived from day to day, the routine and the mundane — all of everything in our life together had been wiped clean from our slate of the life we built and shared for 22 years. ALL of it was GONE. FOREVER. And, if I ever needed my mother’s calm assurances and sage advice, it was really needed now. But, she, and my father, and other support lines I’d come to depend upon through my lifetime…all were gone. I have never felt so ALONE in my life as I do now.

I have my two precious daughters and my sister. But, as many of you know, there’s only so much you can unload on your friends and family when it comes to the painful and relentless grief over such a personal loss. So I keep myself here. At home. I go out ONLY when I must. And of course I go to the cemetery to spend time with him there. I just don’t care about much.

My readers will recall my last visit in here to post on my blog… just a little over a year ago, when my beautiful, beloved Mother passed away in 2018. That was a loss I’d never imagined would be so hard to overcome. I know, I threatened to return to tell you some wonderful things about my mom’s life. And I never did. I didn’t come back because I just felt mired in my grief and then the ensuing legalities placed in my hands regarding my duties to execute her will and deal with her trust. I just couldn’t bear to return, just yet.

Shortly after she died, in fact, it was on Thanksgiving Day of 2018, my cousin (son of my mom’s brother) died unexpectedly. We grew up together. He was a few years younger, so I was quite shocked over his death. I did my level best to assist my uncle and aunt with the funeral plans and to be by their side as they struggled to overcome the incredible shock and grief that they found themselves in. So, I was thinking 2018 was a really sucky year.

As sad as I’d been over the loss of mom, not even that comes close to the utter devastation and deep depression I find myself struggling through since my LeeRoy’s death.

So, I come back to my blog to appeal to my dear friends and readers, with much humility and sorrow. I humbly ask only for your friendship, mercy, and compassion. I need the comfort of those good people who have kindly shared their own sufferings with me and found some small bit of wisdom or perspective in my writings.

Funny, the words of my writings seem helpful enough… but they fall short of helping me through what has been the very darkest hours I have ever had to face. So, now that my life seems devoid of ‘responsibilities’ I once had: caring for and sharing life with my man, planning and plotting out our days together, and keeping our schedules and home-fires going…I have decided that maybe returning to producing some works for this blog might prove to be cathartic or helpful in moving me toward the next phase of my life….because I really haven’t been able to do that yet; not at all.

This will be my start…peace and love to you all.

 

Hobson’s Choice and Circle of Life

Posted in Aging Parent, Blogging, Caregiving, Children, End-of-Life Issues, Family, Life, Personal Crisis, Senior Citizens on May 16, 2015 by Morguie

I haven’t been on to post a real post in some time now. I want to thank my followers for their kindness.

Firstly, this is mainly due to the awful new upgrades WP has implemented with the dashboard changes. I get extremely frustrated trying to work with the posting tools and so on.

GEE THANKS, WordPress.  PERHAPS THE NEXT UPGRADE SHOULD INCLUDE USER-FRIENDLY    TOOLS OR INSTRUCTIONS...?

GEE THANKS, WordPress.
PERHAPS THE NEXT UPGRADE SHOULD INCLUDE USER-FRIENDLY
TOOLS OR INSTRUCTIONS…?

I like it when I can easily come in and put a post together without hunting the globe trying to find the controls I have been familiar with. So I gave up in a way…not to worry, though…when my patience returns, I will return in a little more regular posting.

ANGEL OF PATIENCE

ANGEL OF PATIENCE, WHERE ART THOU?

Too many changes at once.

Then, more recently, a personal problem, which concerns the caregiving needs of my ailing mother has developed.

One day I woke up and discovered (several years ago, actually, when Dad died) that I went from being a parent’s child to being the parent’s parent.

It is a sad time,  wrought with hard choices and limited options from which to base choices.

Sometimes I wish I could be 5 again…

CJ

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